Hey guys,
Before I tell ya’ll about my Halloween Adventure, let me first of all clear my mind with two very important matters: 1) the issue of Demanding Respect and the issue of Culture and Tradition.
Through personal experience, I have met a lot of people (friends, family, colleagues etc) demanding respect. What has finally made me angry and what has kicked me to that defining moment is that most of those people who demand respect do not deserve it. First of all, I believe respect is not demanded, unless of course you are the one who is paying my bills, providing my meals, clothes, and doing EVERYTHING for me than you can demand respect. But, even then, that respect will not be a genuine one.
So what is then a genuine and authentic respect a person can give you, some might wonder.
Let me tell you, respect is earned! It is a feeling of deep admiration of someone’s ability, quality and achievements. One needs to give another person their right before getting respect in return. What has really made me angry is that most parents (especially African parents) demand respect just because they are the so called “bread-winner” of the family. They demand respect because they are older and because it is what “our African tradition and culture demands". They forget that a child is not a subject. They forget that a child has feelings and can be hurt at any time. They forget that they have brought another human being in the world, another human being who is as equal before God as they are. I believe respect should be earned. Not by beating the heck out of someone, or by taking punitive actions towards that person. Respect is earned when you give it back to someone else without expecting it in return. Respect is earned when you see another person as an equal not as a subject. When you treat others they same way you would like to be treated, that is when you have EARNED your respect.
Now, going back to tradition and culture,
I would like to say that knowing your roots and tradition is very significant. Culture and tradition are two very important things that defines a person. that identity might come in many various forms, but the most important thing is that you are happy and proud to be part of it. I was raised by two loving African parents, keep in mind I am emphasizing the African parents part, thus I can only speak for African parents and children. My parents taught me to achieve high professional standards, an excellent education and respect myself and know my worth. My parents never really sat down and told me about my Liberian roots or culture. I got all that from books, movies, and experiences.
Heck I was not even sure if Liberians had cultures and traditions, considering this generation being so brained-washed by western cultures and livelihood. My parents never told me to marry someone who is only Liberian, or Guinean. Heck they never told me that he/she had to be a Muslim. So there I was, thinking my parents were so cool and understanding. Never pressured me about tradition or religion, all I knew was that I had the world’s coolest parents who told me to follow my dreams and be an independent woman.
Well…they hit me with the most reality check ever! When I turned twenty they dropped the bomb on me. It came as a shock, like an earthquake, and I am not talking about DJ Fresh earthquake…seriously. They started asking if I was in a relationship, was I homosexual, and all that awkward stuff I only told my friends about. They started making demands, and writing down my only options. My parents immediately became strangers. I was in a black-out zone for almost six months, trying to figure out what had gone wrong with them…not with me of course.. It was during that black-out zone I realized that my parents regretted the fact that they never taught me my tradition, my roots and being proud of my religion. My father who speaks Mandingo fluently never spoke a word to me, or to my siblings. They were partially the cause of my cultural loss. Nevertheless, I cannot blame my parents. They were so caught up in adjusting to the Norwegian weather, language, and making sure me and my sisters performed well in school, they forgot we were losing a very important part of us. I take some of the blame. I never realized that as a child I too had a responsibility to know my culture. I am glad it was never too late for me and my parents.
I guess what I am trying to say is that, most parents make the mistake not teaching their children about their roots. Most parents assume that their kid will automatically learn it. However, the truth is that, that is not the case. Especially for those of us who have grown up in western society and been kind of influenced by western livelihood. Tradition and culture are all very much important. Nevertheless, one does not learn about them in one day. Just the same way it takes a life-time to know one’s partner; it takes a life-time knowing one’s identity. My advice for the young parents out there is, not to make the same mistakes my parents did that almost caused us our relationship. If you know your culture and you are very proud of it, educate your children about it. Now don’t you go being a radical or a fundamentalist on them. Just start from the button. Tell them why it is important for them to know their backgrounds, their ROOTS and tell them what is it about their roots that they need to be proud of. Look at it in a form of marketing. Tell them about the product, why the product is good for them and why they should buy it instead of the other products in the market. By the end of the day, learning about one's culture and tradition is an inter-generational issue.
Ladies! Don’t sit around the kitchen table, talking with your friends on why your child has no manners. You are wasting your time and energy. Sit with your child, have a meaningful conversation with them like they are your friends. After all, children are the only true legacy of a family (that includes the carrying on of culture and traditions), so tell them why they need to carry that precious legacy on to the next generation!
Halloween!!!
I can confidently say that this year Halloween was the BEST Halloween ever! I had so much fun pumpkin carving, eating candies, and somewhat being a little ratchet especially in my play-boy bunny costume :)
I was going to be Little Red Riding Riding Hood, but when I found the Play-boy bunny costume, I just had to wear that instead. Maybe next year I will be Red...we will see :)
Hoped you enjoyed yours :)
